I must admit that despite being a self-proclaimed music/CD junkie, my soundtrack of choice when I go through my morning ritual is sports talk radio.

Earlier this week, in between riveting discussions of Terrell Owens’ latest stunt, I heard a commercial that caught my attention. The topic was pretty run-of-the-mill for this station- laser eye surgery. The female announcer had a pleasant enough voice, but it’s what she said that caught my attention. She talked about the types of folks who get this type of surgery, including, and I quote:

"the world’s greatest golfer, Tiger Woods"

What really got me is that this is immediately followed by testimony by Mr. Woods himself.

The thing that gets me here is the use of the term "world’s greatest". Is Tiger great? You bet. One of the greatest? Sure, I’d classify him there as well. But the world’s greatest? Not so fast, eye surgery lady.

He is truly a master of the sport- he has a couple of green jackets to prove it. THE greatest? I’m not sure any athlete deserves to hold that title in his sport. You can always make an argument for another who has accomplished similar feats. That aside, what really gets me here is not the use of the term "the world’s greatest golfer" in this commercial.

It’s the fact that Tiger himself appears in this commercial. I’m assuming that he- or the people he hired to work for him- listened to this commercial before it was cleared for air, due to the fact his voice is used. That he approved to be referred to as the greatest is what gets me. Let other people call you the best, shrug it off with a little humility- Michael Jordan manages pretty well with this. Or if that’s your game- claiming to be the best- play it up big time and over the top, Muhammad Ali style. But to have a commercial you appear in introduce you as the greatest, that seems a bit out of line.

As a father for about a year now, I suppose I am now eligible for the title of "World’s Greatest Dad." If awarded this title in either T-shirt or coffee mug form, I will accept it proudly. But don’t expect me to change the title of my blog to "Confessions of the World’s Greatest Dad." I will wear the title (and T-shirt) with the good sense and fortitude that allowed me to achieve such acclaim in the first place.

So, Tiger, this I say to you: let people call you what they will, but be careful what you refer to yourself as. We don’t like our athletes to have big egos- unless, of course, that’s their schtick. You made it clear early in your career that it wasn’t- if you want to switch, fine, but do it the way we Americans expect it. Wear a lot of jewelry. Hang out with P. Diddy. Wear magenta suits where the jacket comes down to your knees. But don’t proclaim your greatness in a laser eye surgery commercial. I’m hard pressed to find a wimpier outlet in which to proclaim one’s greatness.

And another thing, Mr. Woods, while I have your attention in my imagination- you better hope Vijay Singh isn’t signing up for eye surgery any time soon…

I’m not one to buy a lot of food out of the snack vending machine at work, but I am one to buy a lot of Coke. Being that the snack machine is next to the soda machine, the eye has been known to wander.

So today I saw a "treat" I’ve never seen before: Double Barrel Cooked Salami Meat Sticks. They come two in a pack, hence the clever monicker. A few observations:

  • Is it good to name your processed meat snack after a deadly weapon?
  • I tried to find a picture of this product somewhere on the net to show everyone what it looks like- no such luck. I think the meat industry needs to enter the 21st century and get their product in front of the web-surfing public- many of them are in their target audience (people who will eat meat as a snack in any form)

I have been known to eat the occasional meat snack, but getting it our of a vending machine somehow scares me more than buying it next to the register at a truck stop. I can’t explain it, but it does. Perhaps I’m ashamed of my love of processed meat snacks and I wish to keep it from my co-workers. Perhaps it just tastes better in a car. Not sure, but I’m resisting the temptation to purchase the Double Barrel Cooked Salami Meat Sticks for these reasons and more.

So let me get to the main reason I’m writing about the D.B.C.S.M.S. On the package, right under the graphic of the mean hombre pointing his piece at the prospective buyer, is a bright yellow starburst with the exclamation "No MSG!" Who, I ask, stops themselves from buying a packaged meat product because they fear MSG, or any other additive or by-product? If it said "No tails!", that would be another story…

CURIOUS FOLLOW-UP: I went back to the break room this a.m. and saw that they were refilling the vending machine- I did not apporach him regarding any product, meat or otherwise. When I went back a few hours later, the Double Barrel Cooked Salami Meat Sticks were still there, except now the had a yellow 40 cents sticker right next to the regular price of 80 cents. Is my vending machine now home to a cut-rate meat sale? I am too afraid to find out…

© 2011 Bowlful of Crickets Suffusion theme by Sayontan Sinha