Coming up with fake band names is nothing new, but my blog is, so let me indulge my whim and share a few of mine with you.

If you have an actual band, e-mail me and I’ll let you have one. The going rate is one (1) icy cold beer.

The Blue States- a recent thought, and one that will bring you a certain audience. Touring would be tough, you’d have to skip whole chunks of the U.S.

King Moonracer- if that name didn’t seem familiar, click here.

Vomitsva- one I’ve been carrying around since high school. If it doesn’t make sense, you may be putting emPHAsis on the wrong sylLABle…try voMITsva. Destined to play sophomoric punk, with more than one song about B.M.s.

The Wallet and The Watch- as in "this is a stick-up, hand over…". Probably electronic, more than likely pretentious.

This Little Piggy- cutesy-poo indie pop…look for them on K Records.

Farmer’s Blow- I recommended this one to my buddy Shane when he was starting up a country band. He didn’t bite. Granted, most folks would leave out the apostrophe, and what was meant as a reference to a down and dirty way of cleaning one’s nose would turn into an insult to the band’s target demographic. Note: Shane’s new bluegrass project is called The Right Turn Clydes. I wish I had thought of that one. Look for them in North Carolina.

If the name The Right Turn Clydes didn’t mean anything to you, you better check yo’self

F.D.R. Kelly- I just thought of that one, and damn, it’s pretty good. It’s not as good as JFKFC, a punk band from the 90s. They even had an awesome logo. I’m not sure if F.D.R. Kelly’s logo should be F.D.R. pimped out, or R. Kelly in a wheelchair with a cigar. Either way, you can’t lose.

I’m sure I’ll have more soon. In the meantime, you can mess around with the band name generator- that is, if you’re done making church signs.

I love cover versions. There, I’ve said it.

I’m fond of original compositions, of course- I add many, many, many to my collection each year. But were I to define the one niche, the one specialty of my collection, the one thing that turns a "I don’t need it" album into a "I’ve got to buy this NOW" album- it was have to be the cover version.

So what’s the big deal? Why do I crave to hear someone else do a song rather than the songwriter? Well, it’s not that really, or I’d be a huge fan of folks like Linda Ronstadt, Celine Dion, etc., who rarely write their own material and who I find artistically lacking on many levels.

I think it comes down to the thought of taking something existing, something familiar, and recreating it in a new context. Popular music rarely brings anything truly original to the table- it’s mostly a recreation, a reformatting of existing styles and forms into a combination that is (hopefully) somehow unique than those created before it. The cover version is the most basic version of this- taking an existing song and somehow making it your own.

I am now going to attempt to categorize the types of cover versions I’ve encountered. Many covers will fall into more than one of these categories. Let me know if I’m missing any.

The Tribute- This is the most obvious type of cover, and in my opinion, often the least successful. Artists like to tip their caps to their influences, which is fine, but often they forget to bring anything new to the song. Why record a song if your version is very close to one already out there? If I want to hear a Beatles song, with two guitars, bass, drums, male vocals and the same tempo as the original, well, I should just put on a Beatles record, right? The tribute covers also fail when the choice is obvious. A 2 guitar, bass and drums group in their 30s is most likely going to be influenced by the Beatles, so paying tribute via cover version isn’t surprising, imaginative or creative. Now if the same band was influenced by Dionne Warwick or show tunes or Kriss Kross, now we’re onto something…

The Trashing- Another obvious cover type, especially in the punk and metal genres. It’s easy to take a popular song and grunge it up, make it faster or louder, knock some of the pretentious wind from its sails. But once you get past the cleverness of the concept of a a band destroying popular song x, the actual version has to be decent to bear repeat listens. I think Alien Ant Farm’s take of "Smooth Criminal" a few years back did this rather well. It’s a fine line artists tread here- it’s easy to play something sloppier or louder than the commercially popular version, and big stars are easy targets. The trashing needs to have a purpose other than just messing up a song. It has to provide laughs or sneers or some sort of reaction other than "Oh, yeah- I recognize it. So what?"

The Parody- Quite similar to the trashing, sometimes a cover is done for humorous effect by casting a new light by who is doing the cover, and in what style. The Gourds famous version of Snoop Dogg’s "Gin And Juice" is a perfect example of this (as well as of the reinvention style.) It’s odd to hear a bluegrass version of a rap tune, especially with Snoop’s never-ending party lyrics. A man singing a song associated with a woman or vice versa can have the same affect. Ultimately, with parodies, the joke has to be funny- the context has to work somehow.

The Re-Invention- My favorite type of cover, and it often is paired with one of the other categories above. This is where an artist really makes a song his own, really flexes their creativity. The Gourds did Gin and Juice as a rollicking bluegrass stomp- who would have come up with that? This is when cover versions are at their best- taking something familiar and re-casting it in a new form.

I plan on expanding on these ideas later, writing on specific cover versions, getting into the tribute album concept, and providing links to cover version MP3s as I can find them in free, easy-to-download locations. Stay tuned.

Sure, it’s pretty normal for an adult male to want to try every flavor and style of beer that exits, and I do.

But I also like to do the same with soda- I will try all the flavors out there.

Debbie and I have come up with a term for all of the non-colas that I like to sample- jackass soda.

The fine people at Jones Soda have my number.

Their Green Apple Soda is among my favorites- tart, but not too, a nice approximation of the flavor found in green apple candy.

Many news reports have been discussing their latest effort, The Jones Soda Holiday Pack. I guess their Turkey & Gravy soda last year got the attention they had hoped, so now they return with a 5-pack (couldn’t come up with a sixth? Pumpkin Pie Soda anyone? Egg Nog Soda? Come on!) of holiday dinner flavors. Here they are:

  • Turkey & Gravy Soda
  • Cranberry Soda
  • Mashed Potato & Butter Soda
  • Green Bean Casserole Soda
  • Fruitcake Soda

So naturally, this is the type of craziness that gets put at the end of the 10:00 news, in a segment that could be called "And finally, tonight…". The thing is: I actually want to drink these!

They go on sale soon, and are to be stocked at some Target stores. I hope to track them down, and you know I’ll write about it here…

If there’s one theme to my music collection, one thing that really gets me, it’s cover versions. I’m sure I’ll do a full post soon as to why, etc., but today, I plan to give you the goods.

Toxic
Originally by Britney Spears
Covered by Local H

I sure hope nobody thought I was putting Britney’s cover of Bobby Brown’s "My Prerogative" up here. Sorry, wrong blog. Not a big fan of either of these…ahem…artists, but the combination works.

Take Me Out
Originally by Franz Ferdinand
Covered by Scissor Sisters

For my money, Franz’s version is the song of the year. It only seems right that someone should do a cover in a totally different style. Scissor Sisters execute a hilarious, piano lounge version with all of the camp and glam of their original material. Check out the "Benny & The Jets" piano as the song swings into the second half.

Fit But You Know It featuring The Futureheads
Originally by The Streets
New backing track provided by The Futureheads

Not so much a cover as it is an authorized "mash-up"- one song’s vocals over another’s music. Not really a mash-up either, as The Futureheads sing the chorus and I believe wrote the music specifically for this version. Anyway, it’s a nice head-on collision of the UK’s great hip-hop hope, The Streets, and the upcoming, XTC at their jitteriest early 80s best, The Futureheads.

My beautiful wife Debbie had the great idea of compiling all of the odd and sometimes wacky sayings found on church signs throughout this great land of ours.

I sadly report that it has been done.

I happily report that it has been done remarkably well. Check out Churchsigngenerator.com

You can create your own saying and have it displayed immediately on a graphic:

…and they’ll turn it into a fridge magnet for you for $5 plus shipping.

They also have tons of photos of actual church signs. Here’s a few of my favorites:

This next one took me a second. The last character is a 1, not an I, so that should help…

Another nice thing about this website- they have links to Amazon where (who knew?) they sell seven different books of church signs. Heck, they even link to Stewart Signs, where you can buy your own church sign. What a wonderful world we live in…

A follow up to my post on Razzles- the Food Network’s show Unwrapped premiered it’s episode on 2-in-1 foods tonight. The first story? All about how they make Razzles.

It was a pretty good episode in all- not once did they mention a food as a unit of measure ("If you stacked all the Razzles made in one year end to end…"), which is a nice change of pace.

Most Americans are probably unfamiliar with the name John Peel. And this is a shame.

John Peel passed away last week at the age of 65 and was probably one of the most influential DJs of all time- you can read the BBC’s obituary here. The fact that Tony Blair was quoted should give you a better idea of Peel’s influence in his native land.

I’ve never heard an actual broadcast of John’s- but I do have a few CDs of his short-lived, syndicated U.S. show, Peel Out In The States. He championed some really great bands- The Fall, The Undertones, The Wedding Present, Blur and many more- and recorded many greats of the late 70′s and 80′s on a series of EPs known as "The Peel Sessions." He was among the first to play punk on a large radio station- and this was when he was well into his 30s.

A couple of years ago, he compiled what is one of the best mix CDs I’ve ever heard. Fabriclive.07 is a mix of rock, punk, covers, oldies, reggae, dance, etc.- a very wide reaching selection of styles that somehow works from start to finish. This CD inspired me to start my own series- which I hardly gave to, or played for, anyone, yet gave me a lot of joy in compiling the six monthly volumes I made it through. His passing makes me want to try to give it another shot…

The BBC website also has a great tribute from fellow DJ Mark Radcliffe- a few lines really struck a chord with me, as I’m 37 and just now publicly sharing my thoughts on music (with a few occasional exceptions since I was 16):


People used to ask him how he kept going, but it never occurred to him to stop.

He made us realise that you did not have to mellow with age – music could continue to mean as much to us now as it always did.

He felt that there was so much music out there, you must have been able to find something you loved.

I must admit that despite being a self-proclaimed music/CD junkie, my soundtrack of choice when I go through my morning ritual is sports talk radio.

Earlier this week, in between riveting discussions of Terrell Owens’ latest stunt, I heard a commercial that caught my attention. The topic was pretty run-of-the-mill for this station- laser eye surgery. The female announcer had a pleasant enough voice, but it’s what she said that caught my attention. She talked about the types of folks who get this type of surgery, including, and I quote:

"the world’s greatest golfer, Tiger Woods"

What really got me is that this is immediately followed by testimony by Mr. Woods himself.

The thing that gets me here is the use of the term "world’s greatest". Is Tiger great? You bet. One of the greatest? Sure, I’d classify him there as well. But the world’s greatest? Not so fast, eye surgery lady.

He is truly a master of the sport- he has a couple of green jackets to prove it. THE greatest? I’m not sure any athlete deserves to hold that title in his sport. You can always make an argument for another who has accomplished similar feats. That aside, what really gets me here is not the use of the term "the world’s greatest golfer" in this commercial.

It’s the fact that Tiger himself appears in this commercial. I’m assuming that he- or the people he hired to work for him- listened to this commercial before it was cleared for air, due to the fact his voice is used. That he approved to be referred to as the greatest is what gets me. Let other people call you the best, shrug it off with a little humility- Michael Jordan manages pretty well with this. Or if that’s your game- claiming to be the best- play it up big time and over the top, Muhammad Ali style. But to have a commercial you appear in introduce you as the greatest, that seems a bit out of line.

As a father for about a year now, I suppose I am now eligible for the title of "World’s Greatest Dad." If awarded this title in either T-shirt or coffee mug form, I will accept it proudly. But don’t expect me to change the title of my blog to "Confessions of the World’s Greatest Dad." I will wear the title (and T-shirt) with the good sense and fortitude that allowed me to achieve such acclaim in the first place.

So, Tiger, this I say to you: let people call you what they will, but be careful what you refer to yourself as. We don’t like our athletes to have big egos- unless, of course, that’s their schtick. You made it clear early in your career that it wasn’t- if you want to switch, fine, but do it the way we Americans expect it. Wear a lot of jewelry. Hang out with P. Diddy. Wear magenta suits where the jacket comes down to your knees. But don’t proclaim your greatness in a laser eye surgery commercial. I’m hard pressed to find a wimpier outlet in which to proclaim one’s greatness.

And another thing, Mr. Woods, while I have your attention in my imagination- you better hope Vijay Singh isn’t signing up for eye surgery any time soon…

I’m not one to buy a lot of food out of the snack vending machine at work, but I am one to buy a lot of Coke. Being that the snack machine is next to the soda machine, the eye has been known to wander.

So today I saw a "treat" I’ve never seen before: Double Barrel Cooked Salami Meat Sticks. They come two in a pack, hence the clever monicker. A few observations:

  • Is it good to name your processed meat snack after a deadly weapon?
  • I tried to find a picture of this product somewhere on the net to show everyone what it looks like- no such luck. I think the meat industry needs to enter the 21st century and get their product in front of the web-surfing public- many of them are in their target audience (people who will eat meat as a snack in any form)

I have been known to eat the occasional meat snack, but getting it our of a vending machine somehow scares me more than buying it next to the register at a truck stop. I can’t explain it, but it does. Perhaps I’m ashamed of my love of processed meat snacks and I wish to keep it from my co-workers. Perhaps it just tastes better in a car. Not sure, but I’m resisting the temptation to purchase the Double Barrel Cooked Salami Meat Sticks for these reasons and more.

So let me get to the main reason I’m writing about the D.B.C.S.M.S. On the package, right under the graphic of the mean hombre pointing his piece at the prospective buyer, is a bright yellow starburst with the exclamation "No MSG!" Who, I ask, stops themselves from buying a packaged meat product because they fear MSG, or any other additive or by-product? If it said "No tails!", that would be another story…

CURIOUS FOLLOW-UP: I went back to the break room this a.m. and saw that they were refilling the vending machine- I did not apporach him regarding any product, meat or otherwise. When I went back a few hours later, the Double Barrel Cooked Salami Meat Sticks were still there, except now the had a yellow 40 cents sticker right next to the regular price of 80 cents. Is my vending machine now home to a cut-rate meat sale? I am too afraid to find out…

So me and the missus (with young Chloe asleep in the back) were driving around this weekend and happened upon the quaint downtown of Hinsdale, IL. For those of you not familiar with the western burbs, Hinsdale=$$$$. So it should go without saying that their downtown area is filled with little boutiques and the baguettes outnumber the hot dog buns. We weren’t expecting much worth stopping for, given our budget and the type of places we were running across.

But alas, on one corner there was a newsstand, and a quick drive-by revealed that it has a fair amount of magazines. I, being a fan of that medium (and Debbie will tell you, pretty much any other medium as well- CDs, books, etc.) was keen on stopping, so when Debbie said "Do you want to run in while I wait outside with Chloe?", I probably didn’t let her finish her sentence before I was hopping out of the car.

Once inside, I made a few quick observations:

  • This is the only store of this genre I have encountered that didn’t have a sizable- ahem- adult section. This should come as no real surprise due to the hoidy-toidyness of the environs, but it was still a bit of a shock. Not that I purchase such magazines, but in this kind of store, you are always aware of that section’s existence. I’m sure this section fuels a lot of revenue for this type of business- I mean, there is a limited audience for Dog Fancy and Model Railroader, but hey, everybody likes…well, you get the picture.

  • The alternative music magazine selection was worse than you would expect. I spent more time double-checking the shelves in disbelief ("They’ve got to have something good here, don’t they?") than I did perusing the magazines. I quickly rounded the corner for the biggest surprise of all…

Candy. TONS of it! And we’re not just talking the standards, or the full display of Jelly Bellys, or the hard candy pick-n-mix in bushel baskets. The big shocker here was the tables and tables of the really crazy stuff. Gummy everything. Multiple flavor of the Bun, a turtle-like confectionery that has to be somebody’s favorite. Full-sized Mr. Goodbar. And one of my wife’s favorites…

Razzles.

For those of you unfamiliar with Razzles (and there must be some who are, due to the fact it’s hard to find the darn things), the product is concisely described on the package- First it’s a candy, then it’s a gum. They’re these little chalky tablets that taste like candy, but, after some some chewing, start to take on a gum-like form. To me, there’s never been a lot of appeal. If I want candy, I want candy. Gum, I’m not a big fan of. It loses its flavor, and I lose my interest. But I do like the idea of products starting off life as one thing and end up as another. Here are some of my suggestions for the world’s scientists. Put away the cancer cures and the stem cells and give these concepts the old college try:

  • First it’s a beer, then it’s a mouthwash
  • First it’s sandwich, then it’s a pie
  • First it’s swimtrunks, then it’s a towel
  • First it’s a bed, then it’s a coffin

Feel free the send along your own thoughts, I’ll compile them, and send them to NASA or somewhere. I also thought of "First it’s a textbook, then it’s a doorstop", but I’m sure it’s been done…

Getting back to the shopping experience, not only did they have the elusive Razzles, they had them in three varieties- original, tropical and sour. If you’re ever in Hinsdale, park your Land Rover and stop on in…

Hinsdale News Agency 24 E Hinsdale Ave Hinsdale, IL 60521

First it’s a sub-par news stand, then it’s an awesome candy store.

© 2011 Bowlful of Crickets Suffusion theme by Sayontan Sinha