50 Books in ‘05: Fight Club

January 27, 2005 // No Comments

The first rule of reviewing Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk is to try to avoid Fight Club-type rules in your review.

The second rule of reviewing Fight Club is to say it’s a good enough book, a quick read, but unless you’re really nuts about the movie or very, very dark fiction, your time is better spent elsewhere.

I switch back to non-fiction now for book #3 and the decidedly lighter My Baseball Diary, in which an old White Sox fan (who happens to be a famous novelist) reminisces about being a baseball fan as a kid in the early 1900s. Spring is just around the corner…

52 Foods: Chocolate Lucky Charms

January 26, 2005 // No Comments

Folks of my generation will tell you: cereal is not just for breakfast anymore. Seinfeld made it know to the greater populace that people eat cereal all the time- and it’s not Grape Nuts or All Bran they’re reaching for.

The sugary stuff that I was guided away from as a youngster makes a nice snack as an adult. The missus and I keep a few boxes of cereal on hand, and for every Total there’s a Froot Loops, for every Special K there’s a Corn Pops (or now, it’s generic equivalent.)

Not being avid watchers of programs where sugared cereal is advertised, Debbie and I discovered the new Chocolate Lucky Charms while grocery shopping together. I think she was saying "We have to try those" as I was putting a box in our cart. "Hey, I need a new food for the blog," I said. She agreed, that in the name of research, we should bite the bullet and give them a try.

Being a male, chocolate is one of the many excellent choices in the flavor rainbow, and is often considered after salty, spicy and greasy flavors have had their moments on my tongue. I don’t want to be one to make gender-based generalizations, but I have noticed that for many, many females, chocolate’s position in the hierarchy of life is often shortly after oxygen.

Debbie and I tried the cereal at the same time. She LOVED it. I’m sticking with the original LC for all of my magically deliciousness.

The taste is not unlike what you would get if you mixed Cocoa Puffs with generous handfuls of the trademark Lucky Charms marshmallows. To me, it’s like adding hot fudge to an already perfect scoop of French Vanilla. To Debbie, the thought was more along the lines of what took them so long to think of this?

We are now a two flavors of Lucky Charms household. I think we can handle this change comfortably and without significant adjustments to our lifestyle. Only time will tell.

Missig Persons Report

January 26, 2005 // No Comments

I found this when trying to find a graphic of a Chocolate Lucky Charms box…

I don’t think anyone has seen Sir Grapefellow, his plane or his Grape Flavored Oat Cereal in years.

The world must not have been ready for a grape cereal, and I would argue that it may never be ready…

I am somewhat inspired for 2006 to resolve to try 52 no longer produced foods. You can all start dialing poison control right now.

So you want to be a rock and roll star?

January 22, 2005 // No Comments

Dream on white boy
Dream on black girl
And wake up to a brand new day
To find yourself the new singer of INXS?

Reality TV is still going strong- I think I heard somewhere in the neighborhood of 87 reality shows in the U.S. this year alone. American Idol just started its fourth season, and there have been a number of other music-related reality shows.

Mark Burnett, creator of Survivor and The Apprentice, just upped the ante- here’s a bit of the official press release for his latest show, taken from its website.


A new epic reality television series from Mark Burnett Productions - the creator of Survivor, The Apprentice and The Contender, today announced details for international auditions.

The 13-week series is embarking on a global search for the next rock ‘n’ roll sensation - male or female - who will become the lead singer of the world-famous Australian band, INXS. The series will screen in the United States on CBS in July 2005. Negotiations are currently underway with television broadcasters in international markets. Mark Burnett Productions announced that more than 20 cities worldwide across six continents will host auditions commencing in late January 2005. They include: Liverpool (England), Toronto (Canada), and 13 within the US, including Los Angeles, New York, Seattle, Chicago and Boston. Sydney (Australia) will host the final audition in March.

Additional international cities are to be confirmed.

INXS. Huge band once, definitely world-famous- no Reality TV exaggeration there. The bands last album was eight years ago, in the Spring of 1997. In the Fall of 1997, the lead singer, Michael Hutchence, was found dead, "the victim of an apparent hanging", says allmusic.com.

The band sold over 30 million albums, but apparently didn’t save much, as here they are, seven years after the death of the voice -and face- of their band, trying to cash in. Kinda sad.

I’m not saying I’m ruling out watching the show, but it’s still kinda sad. I truly hope this is a one-off, and we don’t see the same for Joy Divison, The Clash or -gulp- The Beatles. Then again, none of those bands were ever INXS, and I mean that as a put-down to INXS. Hey, INXS, you were fine for what you were- a commercially -focused, slightly alternative rock group- and your 15 minutes of fame expired years ago. It’s a shame you’ll only be known to the latest generation of music fans as "that reality show band", but I see nowhere on inxsrockstar.com where someone was forcing you to do this…

50 Books in ‘05: Not Even Wrong- Adventures in Autism

January 21, 2005 // No Comments

Author Paul Collins is a historian with an autistic son- and this book shows both the keen eye of one who researches antiquated documents and the warm heart of a concerned parent. I’d recommend this book highly to anyone with an interest in unusual historical accounts (this goes into a great deal on Peter the wild Boy, a feral child found in Germany in the 18th century who became a possession of King George I) or an interest in autism- a very unusual and misunderstood condition.

Every year or so I get on a reading kick, and when I do, I try to alternate between non-fiction and fiction works. My 50 books in ‘05 attempt is no exception. After finishing Not Even Wrong, I reached first for Nelson Algren’s The Man With The Golden Arm. Seeing how big it was, how small the print was and realizing I was already behind my almost one book a week pace I’ll need to keep up to reach my goal, I reached instead for the much shorter Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk. Hey, it’s not War And Peace but it’s not Hop On Pop either- I say it counts. Now if I always went for the 205 page trade paperbacks, well, yeah, that would be taking the easy way out…

52 Foods: SPAM Oven Roasted Turkey

January 21, 2005 // No Comments

Spam is good. If you haven’t had it lately, or ever, and you’re not afraid of fried meat, get yourself a can.

But, Tim, you say, I’m watching my calories! I can’t be eating fatty canned meats!

To that, dear reader, I say:

BEHOLD!

Ain’t it a beauty of a package? Yes, Spam is not just made of assorted pig parts anymore. Our health-conscious times have influenced the good people at Hormel to lighten up and try a leaner meat to mold into rectangles and can.

How does it taste? Damn good. Like spam, only more like turkey. Like turkey, but with more right angles.

SPAM Oven Roasted Turkey has earned its place in my kitchen along side Turkey Pastrami, Turkey Pepperoni and Hormel’s Turkey chili. My goal for eating healthy this year is to eat all the crappy foods I love, but in turkey-form. Now, if the good Colonel would only make a Turkey Fried Chicken….or Chicken Fried Turkey…

Invasion of the Pod People

January 13, 2005 // No Comments

Apple just introduced it’s smallest and cheapest iPod, the Shuffle. It’s smaller than a pack of gum, holds up to 240 songs and starts at $99. More people than ever will now become Pod People.

I didn’t really notice the Pod People all that much until I became one myself a month ago. But once you become one, you can easily spot others. It’s the ubiquitous white headphones that give them away. You really notice them once you have one. I heard reports that muggers would look out for them and target their wearers- with some iPods getting up to a few hundred dollars, it could be a nice quick score for a common thug.

I also heard reports of something else that I didn’t know whether to believe or not. That sound on the white headphones isn’t very good, and that they should be replaced by the user with a better pair.

I’m not one of these audiophiles that require monster cables, high-end equipment, etc.- my musical budget is generally 90% software (music) and 10% hardware (stuff to play it on.) I’m even accustomed to the earbud-style headphone that come with the iPod- I’ve been using the Sony version with various Walkmen for years. Yet after two weeks of use, I noticed that a drum sound on the standard-issue white headphones sounded a bit tinny- as though a speaker had blown.

I tried my Sony earbuds on the same song. Not tinny at all- and generally a wider range of sound.

So if you see me walking down the street now, you wouldn’t know I was a Pod Person. That’s just fine with me- I know who I am.

Other Pod-itudes:

  • In addition to the headphones, I also read that the aesthetically pleasing white and chrome iPod picked up more scratches than the common lottery ticket. This is quite true, especially on the screen and the shiny chrome back. I’m looking to get myself a case, further separating myself from the all-white iPod nation.
  • I’ve had the iPod for about a month- I’m currently at 2,017 songs. I’m torn between continuing to load my vast collection onto it and holding off until after the Timmy Awards for 2004 are complete. I’m trying to systematically review all of the candidates- I have a number of them to determine a ranking for, and a few who are on the borderline for inclusion. Thankfully, I have all but maybe two of these albums on the iPod, so it’ll be considerably easier to review them than in years past. I’ll probably continue to load music on, but my 2004 playlist will garner much of my attention until the Timmys are complete.

Food Wars: Banana vs. Donut

January 13, 2005 // No Comments

A few years ago, Chiquita Banana ran a campaign stating that bananas were, and I quote "Quite Possibly, The World’s Perfect Food." I’ve always found this statement to be grammatically frustrating- shouldn’t there be a "most" before "perfect?"

That aside, is the banana the finest food we have? I ponder this often as I enjoy a banana for breakfast on many days.

I finished my banana today and walked to the other side of the floor, and they had food for the taking. Not just any food. Donuts. And to my delight, a jelly donut was among them.

As I walked back to my desk, the sugar of the jelly donut glistening in the morning light, I wondered this: could this be the World’s [Most] Perfect Food?

Let the battle begin! For purposes of comparison, a jelly donut (raspberry, from Dunkin Donuts) was used against a common, household, yellow banana.

Taste: A banana is pleasing on the taste buds, but a donut is a donut. It’s even more delightful crammed full of jelly, which this one was.
Winner: Donut

Good for you: A donut will raise your spirits and your energy level, but a banana will pump you full of potassium, vitamins and all that other stuff you’re supposed to put in your body on a regular basis. Plus, I think if you eat enough of them, you get night vision.
Winner: Banana

Coolness Factor: Eating right is a great idea, more people should be concerned with their diets, Americans are overweight. That being said, proper diet has never been, and will never be, cool.
Winner: Donut

Best to Eat During a Stake-out: An undercover cop must be extra careful not to stereotype himself. And you have to be ready to jump out of your car to nab a perp.
Winner: Banana

Best to Use in a Song about Former Major League Pitcher Frank Tanana: Hey, songs have been written about crazier subjects…
Winner: Banana

Use in Slang: "Top Banana" is all well and good, but it’s no "Dollars to Donuts"
Winner: Donut

Clean-Up: A banana leaves behind a slippery and potentially dangerous peel. A donut leaves only jelly and sugar on your fingers, both of which, I discovered, can be licked off in the privacy of your own office.
Winner: Donut

Intangibles: Bananas are associated with monkeys. Jelly Donuts have jelly in them.
Winner: Monkeys are cool, but even they aren’t filled with jelly. Donut.

THE WINNER IS: Donut.

Banana, I love ya, but you were out of your league here, and I think we both knew it from the start. I will probably eat you more often, but realize this: you will never be a jelly donut.

Donut- I’ll see you at the victory party. Invite 11 of your friends

Jackass Soda: Jones Green Apple

January 11, 2005 // No Comments

Name: Jones Green Apple
Alleged Flavor: From the name, I’m assuming green apple
Actual Flavor: I’ve had apples that taste less like green apple than this does
Carbonation Level: Moderate to high- starts off very fizzy
Color: A crisp, clean light green
Tasting sample was from: aluminum can, poured into glass

Jones Soda really struck out with the Holiday Pack, so I thought it fitting to go into my list of Jackass Soda Reviews to be written and write about another Jones product, to reveal why my expectations were so high.

Jones Green Apple Soda is the stuff every jackass soda should try to be. It’s an unusual flavor, but the execution is nearly flawless. If you reach for the Green Apple Jolly Rancher and think, "Hey, this would make a great soda", it has been done to perfection. It looks great, smells great and the taste is the perfect balance between tart and sweet.

One of my all-time favorite Jackass Sodas was the short-lived Apple Slice, which I can find no evidence of on the web to link to, other than this page, which is basically a list of dearly departed foods. This was a fine soda- more like carbonated apple cider than the Granny Smith taste of the Jones. The Jones soda has a better balance of sweet and tart, so it gets my nod as the superior soda.

Overall: 10 of 10. Now if only it was available in more places- you can find it in cans at Target, and in bottles at sandwich shops and some grocery stores.

52 Foods: Epoisses Berthaut

January 10, 2005 // No Comments

What’s Epoisses Berthaut? It’s a cheese- no, something this good and this French deserves the label frommage.

How did it wind up in my mouth? Well, my family is always one to make holiday gift lists- and inevitably, I put some sort of food item on mine. This year I added beer, soda and cheese to my voluminous Amazon list. My brother-in-law Brian set me up with some Sasparilla from the Amana colonies in Iowa and some nice microbrews from the same region. My lovely wife Debbie got me a great gift package of cheese and olives from Sam’s Wine & Spirits. (Note: If you live anywhere near Chicago , enjoy the occasional tipple and have NOT been to Sam’s, go now. Set yourself a spending limit, though…) Among the goodies in the gift package was Epoisses Berthaut.

Let’s get one thing perfectly clear as we begin the year-long journey of me trying new foods. I like food, but I am by no means a gourmet. I prefer restaurants that offer quantity (read: anything as big as my head) over those that have a few items delicately arranged on a plate. So before today when I did research on the web, I had no idea if this cheese was called Epoisses and made by Berthaut, or the other way around. And I still have no clue how to pronounce either word.

But let me tell you what I do know- this is a food I will eat again, with relish. Nah, hold the relish.

Let’s start with the packaging- it’s a cool, round, wooden box…


(and this is not what it looked like at my house when I tried it).

The cheese itself has a rough, orange-colored rind which I was told not to eat, but some websites now tell me that I should have. Not so sure about that…it was a bit on the stinky side. It was suggested by the man who sold Debbie the cheese that it is best enjoyed served on French bread (which I did.) Man, was this good cheese! Creamy, a little nutty and just a little bit gamey. I think I polished it off in one evening- it was two nights at the most.

I’m no cheese expert (I believe the title is "Cheese Wiz" ), so here’s what the fine people at Natasha’s Epicurean Picnic have to say about it…(Note: I’m pretty sure this is a different Natasha than the one mentioned in Jenny’s blog. Seeing how that Natasha used there is a pseudonym and all… )


Made in a tiny town in the Burgundy region of France, Epoisses is one of the great cheeses of the world. It is an A.O.C. or name-controlled cheese that has a very pungent aroma and a sinfully rich, creamy interior. Each cheese is covered in an edible reddish-brown rind, and underneath is a creamy pate with a delightfully daunting aroma that comes straight from the farm. This handcrafted cheese is first washed in brine, then cured in humid cellars for four weeks. After this brief aging period, the rind is rinsed with Marc de Bourgogne, a liqueur that is a by-product of the local wine industry.

I think that’s pretty much the high-brow way of saying "Man, was this good cheese!"

Another purveyor of fine foodstuffs, The Gourmet Food Store, adds this:


Flavored with spices, this was a favorite of famed food connoisseur Brillat Savarin.

Hey, now that’s a name I know! He’s the guy whose quote "Tell me what you eat, and I’ll tell you who you are" opens Iron Chef on The Food Network.

Right now, I’m a slightly stinky and sinfully creamy cheese.

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