A few years ago, Chiquita Banana ran a campaign stating that bananas were, and I quote "Quite Possibly, The World’s Perfect Food." I’ve always found this statement to be grammatically frustrating- shouldn’t there be a "most" before "perfect?"
That aside, is the banana the finest food we have? I ponder this often as I enjoy a banana for breakfast on many days.
I finished my banana today and walked to the other side of the floor, and they had food for the taking. Not just any food. Donuts. And to my delight, a jelly donut was among them.
As I walked back to my desk, the sugar of the jelly donut glistening in the morning light, I wondered this: could this be the World’s [Most] Perfect Food?
Let the battle begin! For purposes of comparison, a jelly donut (raspberry, from Dunkin Donuts) was used against a common, household, yellow banana.
Taste: A banana is pleasing on the taste buds, but a donut is a donut. It’s even more delightful crammed full of jelly, which this one was.
Good for you: A donut will raise your spirits and your energy level, but a banana will pump you full of potassium, vitamins and all that other stuff you’re supposed to put in your body on a regular basis. Plus, I think if you eat enough of them, you get night vision.
Coolness Factor: Eating right is a great idea, more people should be concerned with their diets, Americans are overweight. That being said, proper diet has never been, and will never be, cool.
Best to Eat During a Stake-out: An undercover cop must be extra careful not to stereotype himself. And you have to be ready to jump out of your car to nab a perp.
Best to Use in a Song about Former Major League Pitcher Frank Tanana: Hey, songs have been written about crazier subjects…
Use in Slang: "Top Banana" is all well and good, but it’s no "Dollars to Donuts"
Clean-Up: A banana leaves behind a slippery and potentially dangerous peel. A donut leaves only jelly and sugar on your fingers, both of which, I discovered, can be licked off in the privacy of your own office.
Intangibles: Bananas are associated with monkeys. Jelly Donuts have jelly in them.
Winner: Monkeys are cool, but even they aren’t filled with jelly. Donut.
THE WINNER IS: Donut.
Banana, I love ya, but you were out of your league here, and I think we both knew it from the start. I will probably eat you more often, but realize this: you will never be a jelly donut.
Donut- I’ll see you at the victory party. Invite 11 of your friends