My daily routine begins with a shower while listening sports talk radio’s dynamic duo, Mike & Mike.
They came back from commercials this a.m. with breaking news:
Britney Spears is pregnant.
If this is big enough news for sports radio, surely my tenuously-music-related blog can cover it.
First of all, Mrs. and Mrs. Federline, congratulations. While this will be Kevin’s third child, it’s the first for Britney. Let me say from one year and change of experience, being a parent is great, especially when your 19 month old daughter takes smoked sausage off the kitchen counter and puts it in and out of the mailbox of her Fisher-Price Learning Home.
But I will say this- naming your chid is not a task you should take lightly. Having participated in this excercise twice, I will hereby declare myself an expert and offer you some potential choices.
Anthny, Timthy, Jessca or Michlle: With a fairly common name spelled a jackass way, perhaps the child will be able to properly spell her mother’s name.
Orange: There will be inevitable comparisons between Britney’s child and another recent celebrity child, that of Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay’s Chris Martin. Why not make the comparsions with their child, Apple, more appropriate?
Getinline, Riseandshine or Don’tdrinkturpentine: A first name should sound good with a last name. Not only do these names all sound good with Federline, they provide valuable advice for any child.
Asparagus: A name such as Asparagus will help the child keep his father in his life should this celebrity marriage fail (like that would ever happen!) If you’re born Asparagus Federline, you’re likely to keep that name even if the marriage fails. What youngster wants to be known as Asparagus Spears?
What NOT to name your child: Britney, as someone who is not a fan of your music, please don’t name a little girl Chloe or little boy Declan. I do not want to spend the remainder of your years in the public eye confirming to the Wal-Mart cashier that, yes, my child does have the same name as Britney Spears’ child. Don’t do that to me, or my children. The older one thinks smoked sausage is a toy, she’s got a tough enough road ahead of her as it is.