Bowlful of Crickets

I live within ten minutes of McDonald’s world headquarters. You’d think there would be some benefit to this: attractive co-eds from Hamburger U. hanging out at the local mall, random Grimace sightings at area taverns, elcetion paraphenalia from Mayor McCheese, that sort of thing. But there was nothing, until this past May.

McDonald’s just built a massive new restaurant adjacent to its headquarters in Oak Brook, IL- and it’s what every McDonald’s dreams it could be. The massive stone-faced building beckoned Debbie and I for weeks as we drove passsed- and the McCafe emblazoned on the side only added to the allure. This McDonald’s was going to be everything the execs over at corporate dreamed about- showy, modern, expansive- and everything the majority of their restuarants are not. That’s no knock on the average McDonald’s- while they serve up tasty grub, many are showing their age.

Debbie and I went with the kids on a warm spring weeknight- and we were able to dine outside in their neatly landscaped patio- complete with metal and wood chairs which were both attractive and comfortable.

The inside of the restuarant was just as unexpected- clean and modern. Employees were happy and helpful. The McCafe stood apart from the regular counter, offering gourmet coffee and baked goods. A machine allowing a customer to burn music or photos to a CD stood nearby. And the menu offered a premium chicken sandwich- quickly answering my question of whether this new McDonald’s would test things out for the chain before they went nation- or world- wide.

I got a buffalo chicken sandwich in addition to my BigMac Value Meal (hey, I’m a big guy- it takes a lot of fuel to run a machine this size). The chicken sandwich could have used more buffalo wing sauce (it was squited on the bun, rather than coating the patty) but it was mostly a sucessful experiment (there were other varietes of the premium chicken, including a BLT).

The overall experience was very nice- a showplace for McDonald’s brass to their franchisees- "can’t you aspire to be like the McD’s right outside our corner offices?"

I’ve only been the once, so I’m not ready to say "I’m loving it". but I am "liking it a whole lot"

How to keep your baby occupied while you chow down…

Note: No babies or pieces of chicken were harmed during this photo shoot.

So I was hanging out with my young daughter Chloe yesterday when my lovely wife came downstairs with our even younger child Declan. After good mornings were exchanged, I believe this is how the converstaion went:

Debbie: Hey, you want me to go to Burger King so you can try that new sandwich?
Me: Yes.

A short while later, I was holding an Enormous Omlet Sandwich in my hands. I’m not certain if I was trembling, but I may have been. It was a thing of beauty, even if it’s not as photogenic as the shot on the left would lead you to believe. But it did have egg above and below the meat, and bacon and sausage were both present and accounted for. The sausage appears to be a Croissandwich sausage patty cut in half to fit this bu, but a sausage is a sausage, do what you have to do to make this sandwich work.

It should be noted that I had a slightly altered version of the sandwich, as did Debbie (who only had one as we had a buy one get one free coupon and couldn’t substitute the less expensive Croissandwich as the free one. Go figure). I added two of Debbie’s bacon strips from her Enormous Omlet Sandwhich (and she gave Chloe one of her eggs). So Debbie had the slimmed-down version, while mine was the bacon-upped version.

So how was it? Well, what do you think? I thought it was damn good. I like the fact that I can go into a fast food place now and order just one breakfast sandwich and get filled up. Sure, the sandwich is the size of a Ford Focus and has enough fat for an entire day, but it’s all there, in one easy to eat container. I wouldn’t have one every day- nor would I have bacon or sausage for breakfast every day- but it certanally worth having again.

Note to the Burger King- let’s talk, your highness. I have an idea of how you could you the same rolls and prevent me from ordering both a Whopper and a Bacon Cheeseburger for lunch…

These have been hard times for the Burger King. First, here in Chicagoland, many Burger King franchises have been morphing into Burger Delights. Then there’s the creepy commercial for some sort of chicken sandwich, starring poor old Darius Rucker, who must have squandered his Hootie and the Blowfish earnings but good.

What do you do if you’re a fast food chain on the wane?

You dance with the girl you brought to ball- good ol’ fashioned grease.

Behold the new Burger King Enormous Omlet Sandwich. 2 eggs, 2 slices of cheese, 3 strips of lovely bacon and one jumbo sausage patty. It is a thing of beauty. And it weighs in at a whopping 730 calories and 47 grams of fat. The USA Today had a great article on it, with too many good quotes to repeat here, so I decided just to link it instead. Neadless to say, the health nuts are aghast, and the fast food fans are drooling.

There is one quote I will repeat from the USA Today article:

Ask Andy Puzder. He’s CEO of Hardee’s and Carl’s Jr., home of the 1,420-calorie Monster Thickburger. One year after the giant burger rolled out, same-store sales at the chain were up more than 7%, he says.

Why would anyone buy such a behemoth burger? That’s easy, Puzder says: "Because they’re good."

Indeed. You know you will find a review of the Enormous Omlet sandwich on this here blog as soon as I can get my grease-loving butt out to a Burger King in the a.m.

Almost Immediate Follow-Up: Read more about the sandwich I will dream about tonight at The Impulsive Buy, a great product (mostly food) review blog that I link to over on the left- and I just discovered, now links back to me.

I took a quick peek at Gaper’s Block and they linked to this great art project using Peeps.

Of course, being a White Sox fan, I would have preferred to see U.S. Peepular Field, but hey, a Peeps baseball stadium is a good idea no matter what team you root for…

The stadium is full, so it must be the sixth inning- everyone has stumbled over from Murphy’s Peepers to actually be in the stands for an inning or two…

Also, I note a flaw in this model- not a single peep is on his or her cell phone.

Happy Easter to all, Cub fans included.

A loyal reader, Pete V, left a comment on my last post:

I was recently in the deep South and came across some huge "Zero" candy bars (white nuget and almonds). The bar was like 10oz – massive. I’d like to know more about the Zero candy bar and its origins. Please advise.

Thanks for writing, Pete, and always keep reaching for jackass food products, of which the Zero bar is certainally one. A quick Google search led me to the Hershey site and amongst much rambling on about old time candy companies being swallowed up by the almighty Hershey Chocolate Concern, the following passage answers your question nicely:

Since 1931 the ZERO candy bar has developed a very loyal consumer base. The unique combination of ingredients makes this bar a one of a kind. The name ZERO is believed to come from the bar being originally marketed as a cool, tasty treat; or as cool as Zero degrees. Some consumers still today enjoy ZERO candy bars frozen.

FROZEN Zero bars? As if the white "fudge" outer shell wasn’t forbidding enough at room temperature, someone decided that the zero bar should be marketed as if it were a piece of frost stuck to the side of your freezer. And to back up the claims of the original marketing campaign claiming the Zero was a cool tasty treat, check the vintage wrapper:

Pretty cool (sorry) and it would make a mighty fine T-shirt, too. Note the low, low price and the offer for "a real steam engine that runs". Ah, Zero, you were once so proud and mighty, now you are the laughing stock of the candy world, unknown to youngsters, mocked by many adults. Your packaging is not what it once was, but still pretty cool. While I don’t eat you, the world would not be the same without you.

As for the 10 oz. version, Pete- you were in New Orleans, right? I’m wondering if a few Hurricanes may have made the 3.4 oz. King Size variety appear to be the size of a strip steak. If a 10 oz. version does exist, it seems as it must be manufactured strictly for use in drunken bets. I’m wondering if any other food products can make that claim. Come to think of it, I did see Microwave Pork Rinds at Wal-Mart the other day, but even my iron-clad stomach churned at the sight of them.

Today is Baconation Day.

A brief explanation: The last time I went on vacation it was a little hectic at work and I needed picking up. My lovely wife saw this, and cooked me bacon for breakfast and to put on my sandwich at lunch. As work was hectic that day, she reminded me that not only was vacation beginning tomorrow, I also was enjoying bacon. And that, Virginia, was how Baconation Day was born.

So tomorrow, I’m taking a day off from work. It’s only one day, but it does count as vacation time. I asked Debbie yesterday if we had bacon in the house. She laughed, wondering if I was trying to create some sort of jackass tradition. Indeed, I was.

Part of what makes Debbie so great is that she doesn’t only put up with my shennanigans, she often embraces them. As I walked downstairs this morning, the smell of bacon filled the house. It was indeed Baconation Day! I had a bacon, egg, cheese and english muffin sandwich waiting for me, with bacon on the side.

As I enjoyed my delicious breakfast, the following conversation transpired:

Deb: I made your lunch and you have a ham sandwich today, but it seemed weird to put bacon on a ham sandwich, so I put it in a separate bag.

Me (wondering why anyone would hesitate putting bacon on anything): Okay…

I then reminded Debbie of the story of singer/songwriter Pual Simon, whose song "Mother and Child Reunion" was allegedly inspired by a chicken and egg dish he saw in a restuarant.

I happily report that I just took my first bite of my "Band of Brothers" bacon and ham sandwich and it is delicious. The bacon really brings out the ham, and the ham compliments the bacon.

I wish you all a Happy Baconation Day!

A few years ago, Chiquita Banana ran a campaign stating that bananas were, and I quote "Quite Possibly, The World’s Perfect Food." I’ve always found this statement to be grammatically frustrating- shouldn’t there be a "most" before "perfect?"

Donut- I’ll see you at the victory party. Invite 11 of your friends